dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just cut my nipple shaving
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
