I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
a search helicopter?!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
