I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
