the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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