Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
