I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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