sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just pee around me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
