haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
