Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
