2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I will pee on everything he values.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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