Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was not drunk enough for that final.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
