i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
