I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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