Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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