I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
