Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
