so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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