So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think people are normalizing furries
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
