just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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