I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
