Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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