Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
