I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
