I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
