Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
