I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
