sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
