i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
