Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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