i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we made out on top of his cat.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
