If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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