It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She bit a glass in half.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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