i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
