Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
