Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
