Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
