"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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