I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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