I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
