Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
