At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
