Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
