I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
3pm strippers are depressing
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
