We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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