i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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