i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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