Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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