I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
