will power is for people who don't want to get laid
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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