I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
