Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
