I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
